“I Love Who I Am”

I started to become more consistent in my practice in 2012 after I introduced a woman named Faith to this philosophy. We had started dating, but more than anything, I wanted her to be happy. She commented on how happy and different I was when I chanted consistently, and she decided to give the practice a try.

Because of my gender dysphoria^[1] and my assumptions that I would be misunderstood, I had stopped associating with the SGI-USA years earlier. Due to my anxiety, I struggled to engage with people in my environment. Yet, as Faith actively attended SGI-USA activities, I witnessed her change, and I decided to join her. I was finally ready to face my life.

That year, I started chanting sincerely morning and evening and deeply studying Sensei’s guidance as if he was speaking directly to me. When I was honest in front of the Gohonzon about whatever I was feeling, things began to change for the better. I was learning how to “transform [my] problems into prayers” and, over time, I developed conviction that I could triumph over everything that was troubling me (see July 2019 Living Buddhism, pp. 57–58).

I pulled forth the confidence to create concrete determinations to address my past trauma and move forward toward my dreams. I found the best doctors and therapists who guided me through my gender dysphoria and supported my physical transition. My life was opening up, and when I faced obstacles, I actively sought guidance from my seniors in faith and introduced others to the practice, including my mother who received the Gohonzon, too.

In 2015, I proudly transitioned from the young women’s division to the young men’s division, and soon after took on leadership to support other young men. When I shared my decision with fellow SGI members, they embraced me with open arms.

That’s when it began to click—in the Soka Gakkai, I was able to discover my voice and my true identity as a Bodhisattva of the Earth. Being a Bodhisattva of the Earth means that because I am Black, because I am transgender, because I have experienced abuse, trauma and other struggles, I can use my life to help others become happy. In living for the sake of others, I found the fulfillment I had long been searching for.

From that point, I haven’t looked back. I now use my struggles as the fuel I need to be the alchemist of my own life. In line with my cherished dream of working in the coffee industry, I am now a master coffee roaster at an independent coffee shop. I strive to have Sensei’s spirit in every interaction there, creating a space for people to engage and be themselves. Faith is now my fiancee, and after more than 20 years of separation, my parents are back together.

Most profoundly, I love who I am. I used to feel worthless when I thought about myself and where I came from. The radical change I have undergone through developing a consistent Buddhist practice alongside Sensei and the SGI-USA speaks to me at the core. I am determined to help many young people begin their Buddhist practice this year, so they, too, can discover that with Sensei as their mentor, there is no way they can fail.