Living a Poetic Life

I chant for each member’s happiness and that our district will attract young people who will have an experience with the Gohonzon and Sensei.

Last year, I introduced a young woman to Buddhism. The way that she refers to Sensei and the way she grasps his guidance—it’s like she already has a connection with him. Sensei’s guidance is so available now that someone who is never going to meet him can still feel that they met him through his words.

WT: You have met Sensei on numerous occasions. Can you tell us about one of those encounters?

Matilda: In 2001, I was appointed as the women’s leader for the SGI-USA. I was exhausted, and I felt I didn’t have enough time to go to all the places I needed to go in our vast country. I was given the opportunity to attend a dinner with Sensei and ask a question, and I asked him what I should do when I felt so exhausted that I couldn’t feel my own life. 

Sensei smiled and told me I had to be deadly serious about accomplishing kosen-rufu but that I must also live a poetic life. He taught me that only when the life of the person advancing kosen-rufu is thriving and adorned with beauty—like a poem—can kosen-rufu be said to have borne fruit. He encouraged me to wisely harmonize the three elements of effort, rest and joy, like the conductor of a great symphony. It was his humanity that moved me. To this day, I aim to harmonize all aspects of my life.

WT: What is one of your seminal experiences in faith?

Matilda: I have come to understand that every situation we encounter is perfectly endowed. Everything in our life is tailor-made for us to chip away at our own disbelief and hurt and deadness. I’ll share about one of my turning points in faith.

I was raised by an alcoholic mother. She was a loving mother, but she was brokenhearted from my father’s death. My home life was very unstable. I was in the presence of a parent who could change at any moment, so I spent my childhood basing my actions on her sobriety.

I got married at 19 to create a happy family like the ones I saw on TV. But after having two children, I got divorced. I remarried someone who I thought was the complete opposite—stable, established. But after three years, I found myself unhappy and wanting to leave him. 

That’s why I started chanting. It was my last-ditch effort to love my husband again and to have a happy family. It seemed impossible, but after chanting for a few weeks, I felt a bubble of hope. I met all these people in the SGI who were actually solving their problems in life. Then, as I got involved in SGI activities, I fell in love with kosen-rufu. 

I was happy when doing activities, but home life was a different story. My husband became a full-blown alcoholic. I had this realization one day that I hadn’t changed my karma. Going home to him after activities, I had to steel myself just as I had when I was a little girl going home to my mother. I never knew what version of him would be behind that door.

I chanted and opened Nichiren Daishonin’s writings. After reading “On the Treasure Tower,” I thought, After 15 years of practice, I still I don’t believe that I’m a Buddha. I could hope to have Buddha aspirations, but I didn’t believe that I was a Buddha. And then a second thought: If I’m a Buddha, I’m allowed to be happy. I’m going to become happy. I don’t have to live like this. I have the power, wisdom and compassion of a Buddha, and I can change anything. This was my first big turning point. 

The second turning point was seeing my husband, Carl, as someone who was suffering, too. He was also a Buddha and was fully capable of transforming his life. During this time, I was trying to decide whether to leave him. I now felt that I could because I no longer saw him as a poor helpless thing or the person ruining my life. 

After having these realizations, his drinking continued to get worse. I finally decided to leave him, and when I told him, he looked like a stunned bear. He stopped drinking cold turkey right then and there. 

I was told by everyone that he would never stop drinking, but he did. Me coming to understand that I was a fully empowered Buddha and that I should respect him as a human being who was suffering was the key to transforming everything. We spent 11 more years together, him sober, until he passed away peacefully chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo until his last moment. We wrote a great story of human revolution together.

WT: What a beautiful story. Do you have any advice for young people?

Matilda: Try to say “yes” to new opportunities, whether in the SGI or in your daily life. The experiences you gain through expanding your life to advance kosen-rufu will enable you to become an attractive person who can encourage so many people. Sticking with the SGI is the best investment for your life.