Living Buddhism: Sam, you’re a dad, partner, teacher, basketball coach and men’s leader for Fresno Chapter. You’ve developed a keen ability to talk to young people.
Can you tell us about your early life?
Sam Saldivar: I was born into an SGI family, but for years, I never stood tall, afraid to express my true self. This stemmed from childhood trauma. When I was in elementary school, I was sexually assaulted by my friend’s older brother. Worried that it would affect my relationship with my friend, I tried to block it out and didn’t say anything about it for years.
In sixth grade, a kid at school made fun of my friend for being poor. I blew up, threw him on the ground and beat him up. That year, I was suspended three times for fighting, each time for standing up for someone else. It was my way of getting validation—I was a people pleaser. Without friends to praise me, I felt alone and weak.
I’m so sorry for what you endured. How did you get by?
Sam: Basketball helped. Through competing, I learned how to deal with pressure and developed confidence. I excelled in basketball in middle school and had high hopes going into high school. But in my freshman year, one of my closest friends left, so I asked to be transferred and started a new school in the middle of that year. I was lost on campus and didn’t know whom to talk to. I made a friend, but within months, he also left for another school. I started ditching school, hanging out with other kids who had no direction. I did drugs and drank with them, hoping to gain their acceptance.
When I was a junior, I was transferred to a school where I could work while earning high school credits. There, I made friends with someone who was affiliated with a gang. Fortunately, he never recruited me, but with him, I went down the rabbit hole of drugs and crime. By my early 20s, I had been incarcerated twice.
When did you decide to transform your situation?
Sam: The first time I chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for myself was the second time I was in jail. Even though I wasn’t affiliated with a gang, my friend was notorious, so when rival gang members in prison learned we were friends, they jumped me. With one punch, my tooth shattered, and I was knocked to the ground. The guy who punched me had a rap sheet pages long. He looked at me and said, “Roll it up,” which means move out or something worse will happen. The correction officer moved my cell. I needed to change. I chanted, thinking: I don’t care about friends anymore. Get me outta here!
Soon after, I was released and changed my ways. I stopped drinking. I quit all drugs. I enrolled in city college and focused on getting good grades. I had no friends. I no longer cared about others. I was a loner because I wanted to be. I got into Fresno State, graduated and immediately got a job as a math teacher.
Did becoming a teacher offer stability?
Sam: Yes. I had a full-time job, eventually married and had two amazing children. And while I got more involved in SGI activities, I wasn’t consistently chanting. I had one foot in, one foot out. On the surface, I changed my life, but on the inside, I still didn’t value myself and continued to seek external validation.
Driven by my ego, I constantly worried about my image. For example, in 2018, I lost 100 pounds, thinking I’d get attention from my peers. I was always thinking of quick fixes to make me happy—as if I were trying to cheat my human revolution. If I get a math degree, I thought, I’ll be happy. If I lose weight, people will like me.
Around this time, I faced some serious struggles, including divorce. I turned to the Gohonzon and chanted to become truly happy with myself and to build a bridge of love and trust with my children. From this point, my chanting became more consistent.
How did a consistent Buddhist practice affect your life?
Sam: After I began practicing consistently in 2020, I realized that winning is about helping other people, not just me. Until then, I had either just tried to please others, which got me into trouble, or focused on getting recognized by others, which caused me to hurt those around me. Chanting consistently helped me realize the joy of being a team player, of not only serving others but also not being so consumed by how I look.
Around this time, I became a district men’s leader. For the first time, I began taking self-
motivated action for kosen-rufu. It seemed like I joined thousands of Zoom meetings and visits during the pandemic. I felt so much joy seeing the members in my district achieve victories. I started to understand why my mom had dedicated her life to SGI activities.
When Ikeda Sensei passed away, I felt so much appreciation for him. It was his encouragement that kept my mom going through all our struggles. He was the backbone of my family. I decided to become someone who could support others in the same way.
That’s beautiful. What are you doing now?
Sam: I’m a math teacher at a continuation school for students who require alternative education. Many of my students have undergone serious trauma, like me, and have fallen through the cracks.
When I look at them, I think of my own harsh experiences as a student. In high school, the one time a counselor interacted with me was to check my pockets and expel me on the spot over a misunderstanding. I never had a teacher try to pull me out of the cracks. So when I talk with students, I try to learn about them and show them that there is at least one person who hears them. I know what it’s like to feel unheard, chase the approval of others and end up feeling empty. I start by asking myself how Sensei would respect these students.
How would you explain your inner transformation?
Sam: I’ve learned to take full responsibility for my life, and that makes me feel empowered. It has quieted the inner voice that feels hurt when others don’t recognize me. While I still wrestle with seeking external validation, I now recognize this tendency for what it is and have the tools not to be overtaken by it. I do best with sports analogies. In basketball, when I get “locked in” to the game, I can focus on calling the next play. Chanting gets me “locked in” to make the best calls for my life. I own my mistakes and move on to the next play. When I get anxious or angry about what others think, I can “lock in” by chanting and taking action to help others for everyone’s success.
Self-mastery certainly is an unending effort. What are some of your goals toward 2030?
Sam: My main goal is to be the pillar of my family, which includes buying a larger home where we all can live together. I have a deeply supportive partner, and we each bring two children to the table. Also, I want my mother to move in with us, so we need a place with at least four bedrooms. I want to show actual proof of the Gohonzon’s power to the members of Fresno!
Lastly, Fresno Chapter spans nearly three hours from north to south! We are chanting to introduce many more people to Buddhism throughout the Central Valley and eventually create two new chapters. My Buddhist practice has enabled me to create so much value from my struggles, and I want as many precious individuals in our area to experience the same inner transformation that I have and continue to do.
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